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Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior Freshly Updated Edition

4.6 out of 5 stars 343 ratings

An indispensable manual to navigating life from birth to death without making a false move.

Your neighbor denounces cellular telephones as instruments of the devil. Your niece swears that no one expects thank-you letters anymore. Your father-in-law insists that married women have to take their husbands' names. Your guests plead that asking them to commit themselves to attending your party ruins the spontaneity. Who is right? Miss Manners, of course. With all those amateurs issuing unauthorized etiquette pronouncements, aren't you glad that there is a gold standard to consult about what has really changed and what has not?

The freshly updated version of the classic bestseller includes the latest letters, essays, and illustrations, along with the laugh-out-loud wisdom of Miss Manners as she meets the new millennium of American misbehavior head-on. This wickedly witty guide rules on the challenges brought about by our ever-evolving society, once again proving that etiquette, far from being an optional extra, is the essential currency of a civilized world.

32 illustrations
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Evoking the vaguely Victorian voice her "gentle readers" no doubt expect, Miss Manners imparts her personal brand of wisdom along with a lady-like amount of wit in this updated look at propriety. Martin, author of the "Miss Manners" columns and a variety of related books, speaks to readers' behavioral concerns typically by introducing a general topic area with a sharp-tongued essay, as she does with "Houseguests," which describes perfect and not-so-perfect guest behavior. She then provides her responses to a limited selection of questions related to the general topic. For instance, regarding guest behavior: When can one stop writing a frequently visited friend thank you notes? Her answer: Only when they appreciate being taken for granted. Though Miss Manners frequently refers to her "gentle readers," there is nothing gentle about her treatment of them. She never shies away from finger-pointing (or wagging), as she does when she chides a woman who engages in one-night stands for complaining about the lack of social follow-up on the part of her discarded men. Unlike etiquette books that take a more preventive approach, offering an encyclopedia-type reference to potentially awkward situations that allows readers to get quick, definitive advice, Miss Manners seems to assume the "gentle reader" has a lot of time for reading-and for puzzling through the answers to divine truly proper behavior or to find a way to apply it to their own situation. And while the questions reflect an updated look at today's etiquette conundrums-from email correctness to dealing with the unmarried pregnant women in our midst-the responses seem to convey weariness over the arrival of such new opportunities for graciousness. In the end, much of Miss Manners' advice can be summarized as: just grin and bear it and leave the snide remarks to pros like myself.

From Booklist

"Freshly updated" is a so much nicer phrase than "revised edition." Besides, isn't it just like Miss Manners (aka Washingtonian Judith Martin) to summarize the quintessential guidelines to "feel correct" in all situations by using two brief sentences? One, don't. Two, be sure not to forget to. As in her previous works of heart, Miss Manners gently approves, educates, and reprimands her fan club and answers urgent should we/shouldn't we questions that literally cover cradle to grave. Her responses are always instructive and usually laced with her unique wit, such as the RSVP to childless couples: "The chief kindness is to remember that your friends now have children and to try not to hold it against them." Or the niceties of eating: "Dessert is the only course that may be properly eaten while strolling on the sidewalk, and only certain desserts at that." And the quick-and-dirty retort to "Where exactly does the salad bowl go?" The answer is, of course, "Directly under the salad." Miss Manners is always as entertaining as she is civilized. Barbara Jacobs
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ W. W. Norton & Company
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ April 17, 2005
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ Freshly Updated
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 864 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0393058743
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0393058741
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.05 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 7.4 x 1.8 x 9.6 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 out of 5 stars 343 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
343 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book's dry sense of humor entertaining and appreciate its good information on manners, with one review noting how it illuminates the logical underpinnings of civilized behavior. The book receives positive feedback for its creativity, with one customer highlighting its smart sassy comebacks. Customers consider it a must-have for young people.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

33 customers mention "Humor"33 positive0 negative

Customers find the book humorous, describing it as the funniest things ever written, with a dry sense of humor and practical advice.

"...I found her Clever and Amusing... long before I realized I really needed her...." Read more

"...The book is without question delightfully funny and an absolute must-read, for anyone inquiring assistance in the realm of etiquette; but the seller..." Read more

"...can dispense her wisdom (and a few history lessons) which a great sense of humor...." Read more

"...read all of Miss Manners' books--they're really enjoyable and amusing!" Read more

28 customers mention "Etiquette"26 positive2 negative

Customers appreciate the book's etiquette guidance, finding it informative and considerate, with one customer noting how it illuminates the logical underpinnings of civilized behavior.

"...While it is an excellent guide for behaving well, it does not wallow in laments for a bygone era of calling cards and women being treated as..." Read more

"...She uses a two-part format: Actual questions from readers are answered and where more detail or history is needed, Miss Manners uses a standard..." Read more

"...Judith Martin is very sharp, witty, and perspicacious; she understands human nature and behavior as well as or better than any of the great..." Read more

"...Having good manners and exercising propriety will help a person in every area of their life, while also causing them to be a blessing to others...." Read more

8 customers mention "Creativity"8 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's creativity, finding it clever and elegant, with one customer noting its sassy comebacks.

"...I found her Clever and Amusing... long before I realized I really needed her...." Read more

"...same time conveys a lot of helpful information and creative, elegantly simple ways to get out of all those sticky and awkward social situations we..." Read more

"...The core of this book is all about being thoughtful, considerate, and civilized...." Read more

"...Her wit, however, is both subtle and blistering, and some truly hilarious responses will hopefully serve as a warning to anyone seeking to misuse..." Read more

6 customers mention "Age range"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book suitable for young people, with one mentioning it's great for kids.

"Great book for anyone at any age. In this day and age, heaven knows we could all use a few lessons in manners. I purchased this as a wedding gift...." Read more

"...A 'must have' for young ladies and gentlemen!" Read more

"a must have for all young people/good manners never go out of style/and are a 'must know' for everyone who interacts with others on earth." Read more

"Definitely a need for any young lady!" Read more

The book arrived wrapped plastic with no invoice like I usually get
5 out of 5 stars
The book arrived wrapped plastic with no invoice like I usually get
Book condition is just shy of brand new/perfect. There is a slightly crumpled corner and the cover is folded in a way that cuts of a few letters on the back flap. The book arrived wrapped plastic with no invoice like I usually get, but it was fine for my purposes. There is no writing on the pages and the book is clean. Also, it is not nearly pink as you see in the advertised photo. 5 stars because this is just fine for my needs. It was a very fair price for a hard cover book.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2016
    Oh, Easy Call.

    Well, to give some Bio Background that will make this Review more Sensible, well, I am from New Jersey. If you have any Sense, you are always 'from' New Jersey... the Problem would be if you Stayed in New Jersey... being From New Jersey is much better than being In New Jersey.

    But New Jersey People are famously Rude and I realized that I could not simply get away with Rudeness, simply because it was a Cultural Heritage... maybe there is a Lesson in there for... Purple Americans.... Oh, I think they want to be called Zebo Americans at this minute and a half. But if your Heritage and Traditions are Despicable.... duh?

    I read a lot of Miss Manners in the 1990's... sort of her Hey Days.... or maybe the 80's,,,, she was around for a while.... People used to read these things called Newspapers, and Miss Manners was Syndicated In Every Single Newspaper On Earth. No matter where I went in the World, as long as Something Somewhere was still printed in English, there was Miss Manners.

    I found her Clever and Amusing... long before I realized I really needed her. You see, one of my Hobbies is Pre-20th Century English Literature... and of course one of Miss Manner's Persona 'Shticks' is to adopt the Manners and Personality... And Language of the Edwardians and Victorians. She Really did a good job! she has Never broke Persona and said anything the least bit Contemporary.... well, maybe if the Joke she was working on really required it.

    Well, it has been a while since the 1990 and I found myself drifting back into Barbarism (oh, what is 'Barbarism'... well, it might as well be the New Jersey State Bird).

    I dug around in my Old Books and found "Miss Manners Rescues Civilization". Yes, my reading now is almost All Kindle... but I was reading Miss Manners by 'lamp light' while in bed prepared to go to sleep. I all seemed appropriate.

    But, that Book came to an end.

    So I ordered this Book. Well, it is Great. Miss Manners at her Peak. .... Miss Manners from the Top of Mount Olympus, which she must have spent a lifetime scaling... inching up ledge by ledge, rock by rock... finally presenting Herself to the Immortals... in such a Cordial Way they that they could not refuse her.
    33 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 4, 2014
    My ancient copy of this book was "borrowed" (stolen) by a neighbor who had inherited her own grandmother's sterling silver but had no idea how a dinner table was set for different occasions. Actually, when I first read this book I was laughing so hard I cried---for the loss of my own grandmother who had taught me EVERY rule in this fabulous book! Hey, I still write thank you notes on my personalized stationery! When I married my husband a 5 year old girl came with the deal. I kept telling her the "rules" starting with "But grandmother Grace would do/say/wear" etc. I used the Grandmother Grace rule so often that one day, when she was in the back seat of the car, at age 11, she piped up with "so when am I going to get to meet this Grandmother Grace?" I was in the front but my right hand went straight to cover my mouth--'cause I had not told her that Grace had died in 1978--before she was even born! Made me all misty that Grace (as she told me to address her) was still telling her everything Judith Martin (Miss Manners) had ever covered. I cannot recommend it enough. It may be 2014, but when a handwritten note appears in MY mail, I am impressed, as are the people who get mine. I get phone calls to thank ME for the handwritten "thank you" note! BTW, one should never send a pre-printed thank you note, but rather, one should send a note one's personal stationery, thanking the person, with details of the event, such as "the asparagus was devine"
    28 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on July 27, 2012
    In my senior year of high school, I came across this book in the library and found that I couldn't put it down. The current librarian was retiring at the end of the year, and I had begged and pleaded with her to let me purchase the book. She told me how she was a Southern Belle in her youth, and how she and her friends were instructed to read it to learn proper etiquette. She smiled at me and said I could not buy the book from the library; and I was certain at that moment that I would never come across the book again (as it is out of print). When passing by the wedding planning section this week at the Barnes & Noble, I instantly remembered Miss Manners and looked for the book which I had so desperately wanted to read again. The Barnes & Noble, of course, did not carry it; but undeterred, I ran to my laptop as soon as I came home and searched for it here on Amazon. Within a few short days---I was not expecting it until next week) I received the package in the mail. Enclosed politely within the pages was a short and sweet little note asking that I leave feedback and promising accommodation should there be any complications; and so I thought I would share this little anecdote. The book is without question delightfully funny and an absolute must-read, for anyone inquiring assistance in the realm of etiquette; but the seller is also by far the most well-mannered I have come across on this site. The book is in wonderful condition and I would love to do business again. Thank you~
    9 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • Susanne Berg
    5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books ever written.
    Reviewed in Canada on October 16, 2018
    Read this book the first time more than thirty years ago and lay laughing so hard in the night that the bed was shaking, but Hubby has the best sleep so it didn't bother him.
  • M
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read
    Reviewed in France on July 31, 2013
    A must-read for any self-respecting adult who wishes to learn how to be a polite individual or just brush up on their manners.
  • atc
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great fun and informative.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 25, 2018
    Using a simple question and answer format, Miss Manners guides the perplexed through some of the difficult areas is social life; weddings , funerals and Christmas day are all in there .
    The tone is light incisive and sometimes the advice is really very good. There are nice quirky bits of humour to cheer the reader on. Perhaps a book for those interested in contemporary social norms in the u.s.

    rlexed
  • Amazon Customer
    4.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 23, 2013
    I had read the authors No Vulgar Hotel a book about er passion for all things Venice, which I thoroughly enjoyed and saw Miss Manners Guide referenced there - bought a pretty battered old copy and have been reading in small chunks (it is a mighty tome) It is a witty and entertaining read, a good bedside companion to dip into.
  • Heidi
    5.0 out of 5 stars The manners everyone seems to have forgotten about.
    Reviewed in Canada on July 14, 2014
    Always helpful info to have around.
    One person found this helpful
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