Comments on: Why I Won’t Spend the Same Amount on the Kids

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 08:20:05 +0000

This is maddening. Sometimes, gifts are what is “needed”, usualy gifts are items “wanted.” Of course you should, outside of “needs” treat your children equally- outrageous to say otherwise. All around me I see parents treating their children equally, and few conflicts. Mine, and a few others are not and its infuriating. I struggled to keep a sense of family withing a hellish family until I was 30- the only child by my mother’s side. And, mother and I would always talk about how I was her “special” child, but not favorite child. I did NOT get anything from her that my siblings did not get. Then, my sister (who tore our family apart through violent fits of rage into her late early 30′s) has two beautiful baby girls, and you would think she is an only child. I am very close to outright leaving my family for good. I did it to my abusive father years ago, and I’ll do it rather than take this indignation and abuse. My father called- wanted to give me $40K that my siblings already received. My sister and mother decided that he couldn’t afford it. I’m incensed. I’m the youngest- I’ve gone without- I was at my mothers side where she was…supporting her, not b/c she came to where I was… Go ahead, give unevenly without explanation- then your children will watch all of their friends.. and lessons growing up focus on fairness (re: wants, not needs), and be completely beside themselves as I am today. I need help. Of COURSE it’s their money and they can do what they want… that’s why it hurts.

By: Ethiopia, Equality, and the Principle of Fairness | My Family's Money

Ethiopia, Equality, and the Principle of Fairness | My Family's Money — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:34:56 +0000

[...] I read posts on My Dollar Plan and AllFinancialMatters that got me thinking about the whole issue of fairness and being equitable [...]

By: Madison

Madison — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:39:40 +0000

@ Elizabeth: I love to hear stories of other parents doing the exact same thing. I am a big fan of treating children differently based on their own likes and dislikes. You have proven that it will work even when the children are older. They are lucky to have such a great mom!

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:56:36 +0000

Madison,

I agree completely and applaud you for starting this early. My own children are 13 and 15. They have always been treated FAIRLY which is not at all the same as treating them the SAME. They have different needs, different wants, and different personalities and therefore need to be treated differently.

Hopefully by starting out with this view of gift-giving so early, your children will grow up never expecting “equal treatment” in gifts.

I easily spent 4 (or more) times as much on my daughter’s gifts this Christmas — a practice my son would never think to question. I do make an effort to get each child pretty much the same number of gifts — though I didn’t worry about even that when they were young. My son got things he wanted and my daughter got what she wanted. I’m confident that both of my children, if asked, would 1) not have thought to add up how much I’d spent on each child and 2) would assure you that I had gotten the very best bargain I could find on everything I bought.

By: Madison

Madison — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 20:07:40 +0000

@Shay: That’s terrific! I’m impressed that you came in under budget. I bet the kids loved their presents and I’m glad you didn’t feel the need to spend equal amounts on each one.

By: Our Best Christmas Ever | Gather Little By Little

Our Best Christmas Ever | Gather Little By Little — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:37:32 +0000

[...] are generally more expensive than our younger children. Madison over at My Dollar Plan wrote about this same topic of spending different amounts on [...]

By: Shay

Shay — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 15:36:14 +0000

Being Christmas day here in Australia already I have just faced the toughest challenge of my life in getting 5 kid presents for $50.00 each…I achieved this successfully and come in at $10.00 under my allocated budget for the kids and my hubby’s present that I had allocated more money too saving me another 50.00.

My dilemma was that I spent close to $50 on my boys giving them 5 presents each but only spending $17 on one of my daughters because I had stuff that was given to me and I didn’t want in the first place I gave to her I felt guilty for giving her “hand me downs” after speaking to her mother about this she assured me she loves all that is given whether it is brand new or second hand…My daughter is 13 no easy feat for any parent (let alone a step parent) to do this…after reading your blog on presents I feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one that has the feelings of should I spend the same or not. I have learned this year doesn’t matter how much you spend it is what you give that counts. My kid range from 17 to 9 and I am proud of myself for coming up with gifts for all. Merry Christmas!

By: Madison

Madison — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 00:32:26 +0000

Good thing we’re starting early then. It would be really hard to come up with enough gifts to match the spending on a 22 month old and a 13 year old!

By: The Friday Gathering for 12/21/2007 | Gather Little By Little

The Friday Gathering for 12/21/2007 | Gather Little By Little — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 18:35:14 +0000

[...] My Dollar Plan – Why I Won’t Spend the Same Amount on the Kids [...]

By: glblguy

glblguy — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:36:41 +0000

You’ll find as they get older this will become even more true, as the older they get the more expensive their gifts become.

So our 13 year old gets one or two fairly expensive gifts, while our 22 month old gets lots of little things.

Kids don’t notice the price of things, but they will notice quantity when they get older.